Allen’s 34th Birthday!

Posted on July 28, 2015 by Rachel Gillen

Yesterday Allen got back to being 3 years older than me. Just how I like him! I usually try to make him something for his birthday since if I bought him something it would be like him buying himself something. Anyhow, I think this year’s gift turned out a little too girly for him. I tried to make it a little more manly but…

I wanted to make a canvas with a quote on it. I look at Pinterest all the time and I’ve been seeing some ideas on there for a couple of months now that really got my attention.

So I had a 10×10 canvas. And I found an old book down at the laundry room here at Candlestick RV Park. I had modpodge already. I had to buy some sticker letters. And I had spray paint. Here’s how I did it:

First I modpodged the old pages of the book onto the canvas and let that dry. Then I put the sticker letters on how I wanted them. I looked for vinyl sticker letters but couldn’t find them. I checked Walmart, the Dollar Tree, and JoAnn Fabrics. No luck. And being this is San Francisco, I’m not too keen on cruising around in the truck. More on that in a second.

Once I had the letters placed how I wanted, I spray painted the whole thing with silver. I could’ve went with hot pink, leftover from my pink flamingo, but, like I said, I tried to make it manly! I wanted to just cover part of the canvas and leave some of the book showing through but it was ridiculously windy and I was worried about overspray… So I nixed that idea. I let the paint dry and peeled the letters off carefully. Then gave it one more coat of modpodge to seal the deal.

I made some wrapping paper out of the same book paper and tied it with twine. I thought it came out really cute. I’m not so sure Allen felt the same way. Ha!

But I made him a quiche and some waffles for dinner yesterday (He loves breakfast for dinner. And breakfast for breakfast.) so I think his birthday turned out okay overall!

This was Saturday night

So back to this truck driving situation. I drove, with Allen in the passenger seat, Sunday, 2.1miles to the grocery store and back. I parked in a tiny lot. I drove down tiny San Francisco streets, I passed a MUNI (city bus) on one of them with cars parked on either side also. Allen says my driving privileges are revoked while we are here. I’m fine with that. I had big plans but I can’t drive that huge thing here. That truck is made for Oklahoma or Texas or even Florida. Not San Francisco.

DIY Pillow Covers!

Posted on July 21, 2015 by Rachel Gillen

I thought I would take full advantage of this super foggy, windy, kinda rainy, gloomy day here at Candlestick RV Park and work on an indoor project. I bought a beginner’s sewing machine a few months ago and I haven’t gotten to use it a whole lot yet. I didn’t want anything too complicated. I’ve never used a sewing machine before. I did some research and decided on the Janome portable one in “purple thunder”! It was about $60 from Amazon. I’ve been trying little things here and there. I’ve made a pair of Allen’s ripped jeans into shorts… I’ve also made a couple of onesie’s into outfits for Charlie… Just by hemming them a little here and there… I got these at the Flea Market in Dayton, Ohio.

The Bengals one is 0-3months and fits a lot better than the cheetah print which is 6-9months

She was NOT happy that i woke her up to try them on…

For a while now, I’ve been wanting to cover up these hideous (IMHO) throw pillows that Allen has had forever. They are brown and dark blue and just have no personality. Yesterday I took a trip to Walmart (yes, a trip, out here in San Francisco) and I picked up some fabric. I had asked Allen what color he thought would look good and of course his answer was brown or dark blue. No chance. So I got some pretty teal stuff. I kind of followed this picture I found on Pinterest. They are envelope pillow covers. Super easy. I’m not a master seamstress by far! But I’m liking the sewing machine!

Here is my super simple drawing of how i did the cover…

Overall, I think they look great and add a pop of color!

The gold pillows I found at a thrift store in Cincinnati for 69cents each!

Before I got the sewing machine, I still wanted to make Charlie some clothes… So these are a couple of little things I made for her. She’s such a good sport!

fur coat and booties! She would only wear two at a time, no way was she wearing 4!

She didn’t mind this sweater. She got her arms stuck in the knitted holes while napping one day and that was pretty funny!

she absolutely hated the snood part!

Charlie’s 2nd Birthday Party!

Posted on July 19, 2015 by Rachel Gillen

It was very successful! She turned 2 on Friday and we threw a little BBQ shindig on Saturday at our house, parked at Candlestick RV Park here in San Francisco. All the guys from work came over, along with our neighbors and their dog. I think everyone had a blast! We had really good weather so we got super lucky on that front!

The guys from work, and me

Charlie digging a hole

I got a Selfie Stick when I was at the airport, so we had some fun with that! We cooked burgers and Mets and brats and shrimp kabobs and a bacon wrapped pork loin, with baked beans and potato salad and ice cream cake. Those boys can eat!

the tower crew

I definitely needed to have some fun. I’ve had kind of a rough week, mostly bad dreams and nightmares. I did some Googling on bad dreams and grief and apparently this is normal. Not fun. But normal. So I guess I’ll just take it as it is and hope for the best.
Charlie had fun also. I bought a squirt gun (for her birthday-what a crappy present!) and used that for the first time yesterday whenever she got nuts and started barking like a little maniac. I think it’s working!

Charlie this morning… Exhausted pup.

Oh Charlie…

Posted on July 13, 2015 by Rachel Gillen

I think my puppy is depressed. Allen says she is just used to being by herself all day since I’ve been gone and it’ll probably take her a couple of days to get back to normal. But she doesn’t really pay attention to me. She will go on walks, but then when we come back home, she just sleeps in bed. Lazy little thing.

Yesterday we spread my brothers ashes in San Francisco Bay. Charlie came with us. I read online that it helps to let flowers go too so that you can kind of follow them out. So we did that. Allen suggested next time that we spread them in water (is it called spreading? Scattering?) maybe we should put a little inside the rose, in between the petals and float it out. I think that’s a good idea.

After that we went to the grocery store and even though we left here less than a year ago, I forgot just how much more expensive everything is! Goodness… So I need to rethink how I’m going to cook dinner to try and make it cheaper while still being healthy and delicious. That’s going to take some brainstorming, and googling….

At least we have a lime tree, lemon tree, and a loquat tree here in the campground, not even 50ft from our front door! I’m making chili today, so those won’t come in handy. Unless we have some rum and cokes, then the lines would be perfect!

Here are some pictures I snapped this morning to show more of just how tight everything is in the campground… You can see some more here.

Back to Reality

Posted on July 12, 2015 by Rachel Gillen

So I arrived in San Francisco Saturday evening. Allen picked me up from the airport and we went to get some food and a couple beers at Red Robin. Then we went home to CHARLIE! She was SO excited to see me! (She even peed a little…) Gosh, I missed her like crazy! I woke up pretty early this morning, I’m still on Eastern Time really… So I showered and got dressed and made some coffee then I took Charlie for a walk. I made a grocery list and printed some coupons… Charlie and Allen are both sleeping. In bed. Still. Lazy bums…

The campground (Candlestick RV Park) is SO crowded compared to last time we were here… All the little patches of grass are now just dried, dead, brown patches of dirt. All the flowers that were so pretty are now just thorny sticks with a couple blooms here and there. Candlestick Stadium is gone so the view is completely different. We have an end spot this time, so we look out at trees instead of the side of another camper, which is nice. It almost tricks you into forgetting you are in a black top parking lot. Almost. Not really.

Marcus, Allen’s coworker, moves in today right behind us. I think we should go buy some of those swimming noodles and put them on the bumper, because we will probably be touching. It’s that tight out here. I’m not exaggerating.

I Didn’t Leave my Heart in San Francisco…

Posted on July 11, 2015 by Rachel Gillen

I Didn’t Leave My Heart in San Francisco…
But that’s where it is now.
I’m at the airport, waiting on my flight to take me home, to Allen and Charlie. I have my brother’s ashes with me. Specifically on he seat next to me. It’ll be his first time flying. We, I, have a short layover in Chicago then I’ll get out there at around 5pm local time.

I have a few very good friends at home (mine and Allen’s hometown/my mom’s) and I’m so grateful for them. I’m going to miss my mom like crazy, but we will be ok. I had the pleasure of getting to know her psychotic cat, Jack, over the last three weeks and I’m going to miss that little jerk too. She’s crazy. I’m glad my mom has her.

Allen says I need to get back in my routine because he can’t live on pizza rolls much longer! So that’s what I’m going to try to do… I just made a grocery list, in fact. I have a DIY post that I need to write, and also a couple of campground reviews from Allen, his stops on his way from Dallas to San Francisco. Also, I’m sure Charlie has grown at least a pound, so I’ll have to take some pictures of her! Now I just wish these next 8 hours would go really fast!

Getting to Say a Long Good-Bye

Posted on June 29, 2015 by Rachel Gillen

In my last post I talked about losing my brother Adam. Thanks to a lot of very generous, kind people, we’ve raised a lot of money on GoFundMe to help pay for the funeral expenses.
His funeral was Thursday evening. I thought it was beautiful. We didn’t have a reverend or pastor or preacher. (We didn’t want anyone to look at Adam negatively and judge him, especially the fact that he was gay) Instead my Aunt read a poem from my mom and then we invited anyone up who wanted to share a story or memory about Adam. I think a lot of his friends got up and said something. It’s all still mostly a blur.

We had pictures of Adam playing the whole time on a slide show and then when everyone was finished speaking, we played some of his favorite songs. He would’ve loved it. Missy Elliott “Work It” was the first one to come on!

Adam playing dress up through the years

We had been planning to bury his ashes next to his dad in a cemetery close to my mom’s house. But the other night my mom and I walked over to see where we would put the marker. We were both thinking, but not saying, that we weren’t sure if this idea fit Adam.

We eventually said, almost simultaneously (we do that a lot even when we don’t see each other for months) that his ashes should be spread, not buried. Adam has always wanted to travel and never really got the chance. The last conversation we had, he told me that Charlie was the luckiest dog ever because she got to go everywhere and see everything.

So I’m going to bring him with me. It’ll be his first time on a plane and the first place I’m taking him is San Francisco. I think he would love this. I’ve started compiling a wish list of places I’d like to scatter some of his ashes. But, as with the rest of my life, I know all of this has to stay a tentative plan. We will just have to see where the wind blows us.

I just read an article that gave me some really useful tips. I’m glad I found it. Thanks to the author.

On another note, Allen and Charlie made it to Candlestick RV Park in San Francisco safely on Friday afternoon. Our super nice neighbor Carmen watched Charlie while her husband Doug helped Allen squeeze into our spot.

Photos from Carmen to me during the action

Allen said we arent moving the camper until we leave for good. No NHRA at Sonoma this year. 😦

He took notes and pictures for me, well, for the blog. So when I get out there, I’ll post about their super slow trip from Dallas to San Francisco. (He couldn’t check into the campground until Friday so he was doing less than 500miles/day) Allen also wrote some Google reviews of the campgrounds they stayed in on the way out. I’m so proud of him! My mom joked that he’s going to become known as the angry blogger. I love it.

Losing is Never Easy…

Posted on June 22, 2015 by Rachel Gillen

But I never thought it could be this hard.

I’ve known a lot of loss and death in my life but this is by far the worst. My brother passed away suddenly on Thursday. He was only 31.

Allen came home early from work Thursday, which I thought was weird because I had just talked to him at lunch time. My mom had called him and asked him to tell me. I bought a plane ticket and packed my bag (well, I think maybe Allen packed most of it for me) then we went to the airport so I could get on a flight and be back in Cincinnati with my mom by midnight. When I got to the airport, I did the self check in thing then checked my bag and went to security. The security guard told me my ticket was for the following morning, Friday, at 7am. I lost it. Again. So then I had to go through waiting for Delta to figure out what happened. I wound up having to book another flight for 7am with American Airlines that got me here at 10:30am instead of the middle of the afternoon like Delta wanted to do. I’m still waiting for my refund from Delta. But I’m here.

I guess it’s easier to talk about things like plane tickets than it is to talk about what matters.

My brother has struggled with addiction for a long time now. He’s been in and out of trouble for things related to drugs for the past 6yrs or so. (I.E. Stealing to get money for drugs, violating probation, failing drug tests…) He just got out of prison on June 6th. Right after we had to leave Ohio and head down to Dallas. When I took Charlie swimming in Oklahoma City. I didn’t get to see him. We did FaceTime though. Not the same as a hug. My mom picked him up from prison and he was living with her. He found out that he was HIV positive this last time he went in, so he had just been to the doctor and was going to start medication in the next couple of weeks. His doctor told him and my mom that with medication he could live to be 60, 70, 80 years old.

I don’t know what happened or what kind of struggle he had in his head when he decided to use again. But I don’t understand it. He called me Thursday morning. He asked me what Charlie was doing. He couldn’t wait to meet her. I asked him what he’d been doing all morning. ~silence~ I asked him again. ~silence~ I thought it was weird but drugs never crossed my mind. I just thought he was being spacey like he sometimes got. I just got kind of annoyed and told him if he wasn’t going to talk to me then I was hanging up. I hung up. My mom says I can’t think that I could’ve changed anything. But…

She came home from work, she cleans houses, at about 1pm and he was on the porch. He’d overdosed on heroin. He was already gone. I would give anything to have him back and anything to not let my mom have been through that. I guess the paramedics came and worked for an hour.

We went to plan the funeral Saturday. My step dad passed away 5yrs ago and we went to the same place. The price has tripled since then. We had to leave because we couldn’t afford it. That’s not a good feeling, to have to shop around for a funeral. But we found a place that was really nice. We are going to have a visitation and service on Wednesday evening then have him cremated. My mom wants to bury his ashes with his dad’s.

In the meantime, I miss Allen and Charlie like crazy and I so wish I could have both of them here with me. They are leaving Texas tomorrow to head out to San Francisco. I’m worried about them traveling by themselves but Allen says they’ll be fine. I remind him of fifty things Charlie related everyday it feels like. He jokingly reminded me yesterday that I’m missing out on some blogging opportunities driving cross country. Touché. But I will fly back to San Francisco at some point yet to be determined. (I for sure have to wait until I get my plane ticket refund).

We started a Go Fund Me page to help with the expenses. (If you would like to help, I would be so grateful) We wrote his obituary. We picked out an outfit we think he would’ve loved. (This pair of white skinny jeans he was loving!) I’m ordering a really pretty rainbow colored casket spray. (Gay Pride) We’ve been making a list of songs he loved that we are going to play at the funeral. We went through boxes of old pictures yesterday.

This is a button I found from probably kindergarten. I think I am going to wear it at the funeral.

Losing is never easy.

But I never thought it could be this hard.

I love you Adam. And I will miss you forever.

Taste of Dallas

Posted on June 14, 2015 by Rachel Gillen

We went to the Taste on Saturday. I was surprised that it wasn’t bigger actually. (The Taste of Cincinnati was bigger) But we had some good food. Allen and I met up with Cletis, a guy he works with. I love Cletis. We parked by he tower so therefore got in free. Sshhh…

We had alligator on a stick, a brisket sandwich, shrimp and crab on a stick, ribs, and chicken. Yum!

On our way home we stopped by Randy’s Farmers Market. We picked up some tomatoes, potatoes, green beans, onions and plums. We found some local honey too. I’ve heard that if you eat local honey it’s supposed to help with allergies. I hope it works! We also got some bbq sauce and some chips and salsa. The salsa is no joke-SO spicy! And we like hot and spicy, but this is off the charts!

When we got back we went to the pool to hang out. Allen has been teaching me how to swim and I think I’m getting the hang of it. I mean, I can doggy paddle and survive but I’ve never been able to swim on top of the water. He was a lifeguard and taught swim lessons when he was younger and he’s been pretty patient with me.

Towards the end of the day I went and got Charlie and brought her up to the pool. She’s done a lot of swimming in the last week! The other night she was running around with a pup named Tater and she ran INTO the pond and swam back out! She’s a brave little thing!