A year ago today my brother got out of prison. My mom picked him up.

I was on the phone with Adam when my mom took this picture. He loved his tattoos. I still have those sweatpants.

He called me from the car. I was in Oklahoma City. Swimming with Charlie.

12 days later I was in Texas when he passed away.

I still cry all the time. Usually less than I did at first but lately it’s been a lot. I’m still a little mad at him. Sometimes a lot. And I’m mad at myself for being mad at him. Sometimes I can laugh when I think of funny things Adam said or did, or when I think of what he’d say about something. Mostly I’m just incredibly sad.

This past week or so has been pretty tough. I think everything is amplified because there isn’t much distraction here. This campground is pretty desolate during the day when everyone is at work. And if I’m being honest, it gets pretty lonely.

I just wish I could give Adam a hug. Instead I bejeweled the frame that holds his picture.

I’ve been spreading Adam’s ashes wherever we go. But my mom got me this little urn so I could always keep some of them.

And since he really wanted to meet Charlie, but never got to, I bought her a new sparkly gold collar.

Because Adam was a sparkly person. He was a firework.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6BtI43kqkOI